Unfucking my Brain – My Personal Paradigm Shift in My Mental Approach to Powerlifting

My first exposure to powerlifting came through the “golden era” articles on EliteFTS – stories of Chuck V, Dave Tate, Louie Simmons and the likes who would strap their failing bodies together to redline another training session or another meet through pretty much any means possible. This results-over-everything mentality resonated with me as it aligns with the way I’m wired – I am an all-in aggressive personality that has overcome most obstacles in my life through an almost violent will-power and unwillingness to give up.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I competed in somewhere in the neighbourhood of 12-13 different sports, often having up to 4 different practices a day; I always had a chip on my shoulder as although I was often not the most talented player, I absolutely refused to be outworked. I would work obsessively on skill development and supplemental conditioning on off days and after practices when everyone else had gone home, I’d run extra stairs after wrestling practice, and stay after practice to wrestle the coaches to have a chance to work against stronger and more experienced opponents. When it came to injuries and pain management it was always a “sweep it under the rug, suck it up, and get back out there” approach. I competed in a wrestling tournament after a 50% rupture of my Achilles tendon I sustained at wrestling practice and then made worse by jumping in a badminton tournament the same day. I refused to tell my coaches or parents about the injury or get proper rehab for fear of missing any of my upcoming lacrosse or wrestling provincial championships – a decision I still pay for to this day.

So when I first started powerlifting, I took the same work ethic and refusal to let pain or injury get in the way of applying myself 100% to every training session, and for a very long time it served me well. I tore my bicep off the bone and never missed a training session and was back in the gym the day after surgery (I considered going the same day just to really say fuck you to the injury, but we had plans with friends so instead I waited until the next afternoon to get back to training). Even as my mental approach is shifting, I am still proud of the fact that I didn’t miss a session the entire time, because I’ve seen too many people focus on what they can’t do whereas I was solely focused on what I could do and felt the need to lead by example. There’s a lot of positive that comes out of only seeing solutions and never seeing/ignoring obstacles, but it’s had its dark side, and I’ve paid for it dearly by taking this approach to the extreme.

I’ve spent the entirety of the last three years with one or more concurrent moderate to severe muscle tears, an array of various tendinopathies, joint capsule damage and separations, ligament tears and other various injuries – and they are all my fault. I set my best total of 1868 in 2019 and haven’t improved it since. Part of the reason I haven’t improved my total is because I went through massive weight cuts, got out of wraps and back into sleeves, but the reality is I had to run away from the kinds of weights that were ripping my body apart as I continually tried to smash through injury after injury. I’ve had to take a hard look in the mirror as to how the mentality that has allowed me to achieve so much with average-at-best genetics was now working against me, and how I was going to change my approach so I can get back to what matters most to me – improving my total. 

The first change I had to make was to let go of timelines, I’m aware that this flies in the face of pretty much every goal setting rule on the planet, but by mentally marrying number goals and attaching them to dates on the calendar, I would blind myself to mistake after mistake trying to will those numbers into existence at a particular meet: I would constantly overshoot RPE numbers, justify weight jumps when things were moving poorly because “I was just out of position and need to execute better”, and ignore pain and injury that were worsening with every session until they became bad enough that I could no longer train no matter how much I tried to fight through it. I know this is going to come as a shock to most of you, but if you can’t train, it’s pretty hard to get better and improve your total.

My remedy has been to actually let go of all number and timeline goals but rather to focus on getting the absolute best out of myself each and every session, and simply to make good training decisions, which means sometimes *gasp* I’ve had to skip a session. There are many ways that I’ve kept myself accountable: I’ll use a velocity tracker to help me choose my training weights (I might be able to lie to myself, but I’m not able to lie to the tracker about how fast things are moving), I’m learning to dissociate from the weights but rather focus on hitting my prescribed RPEs – I can’t make everything a RPE9.5-10, scientifically I know this, but I’ve always struggled with honesty in this arena and as a coach, I know I’m cutting my coach off at the knees by taking away significant tools away from his toolbox in load management, directed adaptation and timed progression models.

I’m making the direction of my training the priority and letting go of any type of rate of progress goals; my only goal is to be better than the last session, and to be heading in the right direction week over week and month over month. I refuse to compare where I am now to any other point in my powerlifting career, I’ve even let go of mentally tracking my PRs – I couldn’t tell you what my best training 2-5 rep maxes are, and honestly I don’t care, they don’t matter, the only thing that matters is: am I doing everything in my power today to keep moving in the right direction?

So is it working? I’d say the evidence comes in both a 694lb and a 733lb deadlift and a 585×2 squat that have come in the last month; let me explain. The 694lb deadlift was about 3 weeks ago, and previously that would have been an absolutely blasphemous weight to load – just load 700! But I actually didn’t realize it was 694 until after I had done it, I was supposed to work up to RPE7,8,9 singles and as I was working up I refused to add up the weight (I’ve been around the sport long enough to know what all the intervals of 25kg plates are, but I was intentionally not counting up any of the change) when I hit my RPE7 at 606 I made the choice to jump 20kg to 650 for RPE8, the call was perfect so I made the call to make exactly the same jump to hit my RPE9, which ended up being 694 which was definitely my upper limit for a RPE9 for that day, for me to stick to my process on heavy singles marked my true commitment to this mental shift. 

The 733lb deadlift came 2 weeks later when I was allowed to work to a true RPE10, my previous set was 705lbs and it moved better than it has in a long time. Both Cam and Cole were training with me at the time (the other two full time coaches at Blacksmith) and have seen my deadlift many times over the years and I trust their input often more than I trust my own when it comes to selecting weight jumps. Cam and Cole were giving me a 10-17.5kg range on the next jump and Cole had actually loaded a 15kg jump onto the bar, but I asked him to change it to 12.5kg. I was 100% positive I could make a 12.5kg and each 2.5kg beyond that up to 17.5kgs would have been a few percentage points less certain. I don’t know who needs to hear this but I probably needed it screamed at me weekly: you only get stronger from the lifts you complete not the ones you miss. So I loaded 332.5kg or 733lbs and pulled it for a new PR. This is especially significant because I can tell you with 100% confidence that I’ve been strong enough to pull this before, but haven’t simply because I was married to a 750lb deadlift or a 1900lb total, and nothing less than those numbers were acceptable – so instead of pulling the 740lbs I knew I was capable of pulling at the last meet, I made the reach for 750 to try and secure a 1900lb total when 1890 was as close to a sure thing as I can say without actually having done it.

The last mark of this mental shift is a 585×2 RPE9 squat, it’s a long way from my best, but it’s still significant. This meet prep started the way pretty much every prep since 2017 has started – with a significant tears to my left adductor magnus, and the inability to squat or deadlift. Previously I would rehab it until it was “good enough” and then limp my way to the platform and try to extract every last pound out of it. Once I got the ability to squat again, I refused to miss a session until the meet, for some twisted reason I felt like this was the best way to put up my highest competition squat, and perhaps for that particular meet it was, but it has hampered my long term development by losing at least a quarter to half the year where I can’t squat or am sputtering around at 50% capacity just trying to maintain the movement. This time I’ve dedicated myself to making the best training decisions I can for my long-term development, and if I can’t get my body prepared to squat by the time the next session has come around, I’ve actually skipped it twice in this prep. Instead of focusing on working harder and blocking out pain in a session I shouldn’t have been doing, I’m redirecting that focus to work harder on the things that are going to get me to the next session in a position to make forward progress. I don’t know if it will lead to even beating my last competition squat I posted while trying to battle through similar injuries, but I am fully confident that committing to this process will eventually lead to the best squat and total I’ve ever put on the platform, whenever that day comes.

This isn’t going to work for everyone, many people could do better by pushing themselves way harder than they are now, but I’m not one of those people, no one needs to tell me put my heart and soul into my training or to attack the bar with everything I have, but if you happen to be someone like me who has become their own worst enemy by smashing head first through every wall with reckless abandon, maybe it’s time to look in the mirror and see how you can get out the way of your own success.

You’re Probably Not Working Hard Enough

In the past we’ve talked about how one of the biggest progress killers is convincing yourself you’re doing everything right when in fact there are many opportunities still on the table, and this is somewhat in the same vein.

The basic premise of this article in a single sentence is that there are few if any effect sizes greater than your own effort – pretty much every other training variable or metric pales in comparison to how hard you push yourself in training.

The inspiration for this article actually came from overhearing a conversation between two gym members as they argued over one of the most hotly debated variables in the strength and conditioning world: what is the optimal frequency per week to train a muscle group? At the time two meta-analysis’ were published within short succession of each other, one showing a positive trend for over 2x per week, and the other concluding no additional benefits existed above 2x per week. The biggest difference between the two studies was their inclusion criteria, but the total effect for frequency sat between 0-7% difference, whereas studies that look to quantify the effects of effort on hypertrophic and strength outcomes show effect sizes as large as 30%. While these two were arguing the first thought that came through my head was “both of you are sitting here arguing over a potential 0-7% effect while neither of you have pushed yourself on a set in your entire training career”. Micromanaging all the quantifiable variables in your program is almost useless if you’re not going to overlay it over the backdrop of the constant of the hardest and most focused effort you can expend set over set. Every auto regulated system like RPE (rate of perceived exertion) and velocity based training assumes maximum effort in order to be accurate and effective. If I had to choose between someone pushing themselves hard on a stupid program vs somebody coasting on the most well designed program, I’ll take the hardest worker every time.

Simply put, if you want results, put your head down and go to fucking work, no other training variable within your control will make a larger difference in your success no matter what your goal is. Then, and only then will you be able to start assess which other training variables (exercise selection, variety, points of peak tension, volume frequency and intensity, distribution of load across compound and single joint exercises etc etc.) that work best for you. If you ever get caught in paralysis by analysis in your programming, simplify, and put your head down and hammer, it will work every time.

The Strongest People You Know Probably Cry

This is something I’ve been thinking about writing for awhile, but I’ll be honest, I don’t like looking weak in front of other people, ever, but the more extremely strong people I talk to – many of whom who are looked up to as heroes in the strength world – the more I realize that some one needs to start this conversation. Almost every person I’ve met that has actually achieved something in powerlifting has admitted to spending a portion of their prep or aftermath with their face buried in their hands just trying to keep it together. The other thing these people have in common is that when we finally got around to talking is that most of them felt that there was a massive pressure to maintain their image of invincibility and winning in every facet of their life and training. I’ve also promised more than one person that I would write this article, so here it is.

I don’t think I’m some sort of hero, but something I will give my credit for is simply the ability to suffer for something I’ve deemed important: it’s my competitive advantage. I’ll simply do what other’s won’t and do it for longer while more talented people simply refuse to endure. I’ve torn muscles in a training session, walked outside, booked an ultrasound appointment, and went back in to finish as much of my session as I still could without saying a word to anyone about it. I’ve manipulated my bodyweight from 170lbs up to 240lb and back to the 181lb class, used extreme water cutting methods, been to the point where I’ve needed help tying my shoes, but still gotten under a squat bar and finished the session, all while dealing with some pretty crazy nervous system and mental health issues that still linger from a head and spine injury in 2013.

I’m prefacing this this way because I’m going to admit that I spend a portion of every prep wondering if I can continue, if I can get under the bar one more time, wonder if the price I’m paying is worth it, if I can be perfect one more day with nutrition, scream at another plate of food at 3am because I can’t keep it down, drag myself into the sauna one more time as I watch the sweating process get slower and slower as my body is running out of water to cut and the vision problems, nausea and confusion get worse and worse. I feel despair, hopelessness, self doubt, anger, and the urge to quit at many points during the entire process; I don’t fight it anymore, at this point I KNOW these emotions are coming, and I won’t waste any effort trying or pretending not to feel them. Instead I focus on the actions that gave me the privilege to get to the point where I would invariably face these battles; I use all these negative emotions as a self-verification and the strength to drag myself out of the spiral and make the process the priority again. If I had taken the easy way out up to this point, I wouldn’t have put myself in the position to feel like shit – I earned that, by stacking decision on top of decision while my mind and body fought at every turn, and all I have to do is make the right decision ONE. MORE. TIME.

I realize that I’m talking to about 3-5% of the powerlifting population, but at some point, and it’s often hard to figure out exactly when, this became more than just a hobby. At some point this becomes more important to you than you can possibly describe and the only people who will remotely understand your are people who have been there before or are there with you now. At some point you decided that you were going to push yourself to the best you could possibly be and would expect no less, and at some point you will have to face the consequences, struggles, and disappointment that come along with that level of passion. Powerlifting is a sport of extremes, and inevitably it will start to take its pound of flesh, the further you push yourself, the more you demand of yourself, the more you set yourself up for breakdown. I’ve often said that you don’t know if you actually love the sport until it takes something from you, until you’ve watched a lift go backwards despite doing everything in your control to move forwards or even tread water. Sometimes the sport just keeps taking and taking and it will be a long time before it rewards you again.

If you’ve ever heard someone wax poetically about finding themselves and the lessons they learned from lifting, it’s probably someone who has pushed themselves to the extremes. It’s also why I maintain the position that you are only as truly strong as you are on the platform – when you’ve chosen to put all on the line for 9 lifts on that specific date in front of a crowd of your peers and hopefully a circle of people that are truly important to you, not just maxing out in the gym because you “feel good that day”. It’s a sport where you train for years and decades for a 1 minute highlight reel, and if something goes wrong it’ll be months to years before you get a chance to redeem yourself. The stakes are high, and so is the pressure. Everyone thinks they know how they’ll react when everything is on the line, they think they’ll step in front of the bullet if someone attacks a loved one or will keep fighting in a hopeless situation, but I always get a chuckle when someone starts spouting off like that – you have no fucking idea unless you’ve been there. If you want to find out who you are you’re going to have to walk up to those lines, cross them, and find out what you’re made of. Powerlifting, taken to the extremes can provide those moments, and I’d encourage you to chase your passion no matter what the cost – no matter what the outcome you’ll find out more about who you are when it’s really on the line. Everything you learn will transfer to every other facet of your life

You’re not in This Alone

I’ve been fortunate to have some incredible training partners with exceptionally high pain tolerances, and exceptionally high standards of success: to the point where once the goal is stated, it’s just simply expected of you to do whatever it takes to get there – no matter what it costs you. In the same breath I’ve been fortunate enough that we are open and honest enough that at any point we could admit a mental or emotional struggle and receive unconditional and non-judgemental support. I also recognize that most people don’t get to train in this kind of environment and the predominant attitude in the strength world is: “rub some salt on it, stop being such a little bitch and keep your shit to yourself”, but I’m going to go as far as to say that that advice has helped literally zero strong people get more out of themselves. If you don’t have that kind of support network, reach out, you’d be surprised how many people are willing to lend a hand even if they don’t entirely know how. I know I speak for myself and all of my coaches that client or not, we’re willing to have those conversations with you and do our best to help.

So what’s my point with all this rambling? I guess that it’s normal to breakdown every once and awhile while forcing your body and mind to do things that are definitely not normal and fly in the face of every survival instinct you have – don’t fight it. You’re not defined by how you feel, but rather the actions you take. Expect to be pushed to the edge, expect to bend and momentarily break, but expect that you will always get up and rise to the occasion, know that every storm ends, and demand it of yourself that you will make the right decision one more time. Repeat that process forever and you just might surprise yourself with what you can achieve.

Can a Bunch of Fat Powerlifters Get Abs by June 15th?

It was the perfect time to do this: Cam and I have been injured for months, Cole hasn’t had a competition in a year and nothing on the horizon, Megan is starting to train people full time, and we’ve all gotten a little beat down with Covid fatigue and motivation – So I challenged the Blacksmith Coaches to get 6 visible abs by June 15th.

In classic Blacksmith style there’s both a reward and a punishment, the reward is whoever makes it by June 15 is going on a coach’s retreat, the punishment is if you don’t make it we’re leaving without you and sending you photos of everything we do #sorrynotsorry

So with that goal in mind, we asked the coaches what they were planning on doing with their nutrition, training, and lifestyle to make it happen, here’s what they had to say:

Megan Walker

To go from playing a mixture of hockey, ball hockey, and soccer upwards of five times a week, to having most of that taken away from you can be a real shock to not only your physical health, but mental health as well. I took for granted how active I was before the world ended, and despite having such a set routine for so many years once it was taken away from me, I struggled to adjust and create a new routine. 

I didn’t realize how hard it would be to not have sports in my life for so long. I first started to notice my mental health slipping about a month into lockdown and my drive to want to do anything was slowly decreasing. I bought a SuperDeker to practice stick handling for hockey, I had a home gym setup and at my fingertips, but after month one I barely used these things anymore. This may be dramatic, but once I lost my routine (as I am very much a creature of habit), I felt like I started to lose myself. I got a lot more comfortable with doing nothing, eating shitty food, and of course indulging in many, many Whiteclaws to pass the time. This all started to add up quickly and I remember looking in the mirror one day and I audibly said “fuck” because I couldn’t see my abs anymore. They were never amazing 6-pack abs, but they were noticeable and I was at one point happy with the way I looked, which can be hard for a lot of people. This was a pretty big wakeup call and so began the journey to get out of my funk, and back into some sort of a routine. 

I’ve slowly been making progress over the past few months, but I recently got a new daytime job where I wake up earlier than I ever have before, and then I sit for 8 hours a day. I’m so tired by the end of the day, it’s hard to find the motivation to want to get up and move. I could feel some of my progress slipping as I started to get back into that “comfortable doing nothing phase” I was in throughout lockdown. I knew this needed to change, and this challenge could not have come at a better time. 

I’ve never been one for big changes and big goals, because I get overwhelmed then the anxiety takes over and I count myself out before I even start. For this challenge I’ve decided to set smaller goals and smaller changes, as well as some bigger goals if I feel comfortable enough. I’ve broken it up into three categories: Lifestyle, Training, and Nutrition. 

Lifestyle: 

Since I started this new office job, my first goal is to not sit all day and to get out for one walk a day while at work. It may only be for 10 minutes or so, but this is not really for physical health, this is for mental health. I’ve found already that if I don’t get outside and get that fresh air and blood circulating, then I’m more likely to want to just go home after work and curl up on the couch with Willow (my dog) and be lazy. 

This one slightly falls under lifestyle and nutrition, but I’m going to put it under lifestyle because I am trying to make this engrained habit for not only myself, but some of my lucky coworkers in the office as well. I’ve always needed to drink more water, and now I’ve started drinking about 750ml every hour. This has been a huge change for me as I really didn’t monitor how much I was drinking before. I like doing this at work because one, I get to force my coworkers to do it with me and they help keep me motivated and two, it forces me to get up and move around more in the office (mostly because I have to get up and go pee so often). One thing everyone can agree on is that water helps everything, especially if you want to lean out and get shredded. 

Training:

I went from being super active, to absolutely nothing, and then back to moderately active. The small goal I have set for myself is to just do something every day. I have a program set for 3 training days a week, and on the 4 other days I come home and Willow and I put in 20 minutes of work at the home gym. This just keeps me in the habit of coming home from a long day and not sitting on the couch right away, but to just get a bit of a sweat, feel like I’ve done something, then I can relax. 

I’ve just been trying to find any way I can to get extra sets in throughout my day, and one way I’ve also been getting in some extra sets is by joining in with exercises my clients have been doing. My clients are my biggest motivators, when I see them working hard, it makes me want to join right in with them and help motivate them as well. 

Nutrition:

My eating habits have always been an issue for me. I like to eat, and I like to eat shitty food because it’s quick, easy, and tastes real good. I know if I want to reach this goal, this is going to be my biggest hurdle. The first step I’ve taken is to get back into the habit of tracking my food. Right now I’m using MyFitnessPal as it is basic, very simple to use, and has so many options when searching for food. There are better apps to use, but for now, this one will do. By tracking everything I eat I can see what areas I am struggling in, and where I may need to increase certain macros. 

The second thing I’m doing is meal prepping my lunches for work, but a lazy way. Ground beef and bagged salads, chicken and bagged salads, steak and bagged salads. I’m lazy, and I don’t want to spend all day at work, then my evenings just preparing for the next day. So at dinner we always make extra protein, then I pack a bagged salad from the store and boom, there’s my breakfast/lunch that’s around 350-400 calories. I want things to be quick and easy, and so far this has been a great option for me. 

These may not seem like big changes, but they’re the steps I need to and want to take in order to achieve this goal. These steps don’t make me feel overwhelmed or anxious, but they make me feel like I can succeed, and once I get into these habits, I can start implementing a few bigger changes. 

Coaches need coaches, and coaches need people to help motivate them too. I’m excited to see what all of us Blacksmith coaches can do. 

Cam Bennett

Nutrition:

The best way for me personally to lose weight, gain weight, lean out, bulk up etc etc is to make sure that i am preparing my meals ahead of time. Doing so will prevent me from stopping for fast food, ordering pizza or even going out for dinner as often. I have an emotional attachment to food so if something is not on hand ready to go, i will almost certainly order something or go out to get something quick. Having meals prepared will ensure that i won’t be making the 2 am trip to mcdonalds down the street when I’m craving something to eat. 

Two other small changes that I find make a huge difference for me is loading up on fruits and vegetables and making sure to eat my proteins first when having a meal. All of those things are simply to make myself feel more full so that I will consume less food. more full = less calories. less calories = removing the spare tire around my waist.

Lifestyle:

This one kind of ties in with what i said earlier, but as far as lifestyle changes go, preparing meals instead of going out for dinner makes a massive difference. The amount of hidden calories that you wouldn’t expect to be in some of your favourite “ healthy “ meals you get when you go out is mind-blowing. So, less going out for food and more eating meals at home or preparing meals ahead of time when on the go. Also, some low hanging fruit for myself, and for anyone else who drinks 1-3 coffees per day lol, would be to swap out cream and sugar for milk and sweetener. A large double double at Tim Hortons is 270 calories, let’s say i drink 2 of those per day, that’s 3780 calories per week which would actually (depending on other factors) be more than a pound gained per week. Cutting those out, or just swapping the high calorie additives for low to no calorie additives makes a massive difference and will allow me to eat more filling, nutritious foods.

Training:

Because i have a coach this part is not entirely up to me but one thing i want to make perfectly clear is that i will probably not be doing any cardio, at all, what-so-ever. There is a giant misconception in the fitness community that in order to lose weight you must increase your cardio and start running everyday in order to lose weight. The only true thing that matters is calories in vs calories out and if i have to give up a few of those calories so that i don’t have to destroy my knees, ankles, hips and back running then i will gladly do so. There are plenty of other options that help burn calories with an immensely higher risk to reward ratio and because i already train quite hard 3-4 days a week I don’t see too many changes coming as far as my training.

Cole Thevenot

Nutrition:

Over all my plan is simple and I have yet to see it fail me. The biggest change that I’ve implemented to lose weight is starting to track my macros again. I weigh my food, adhere to my calorie limit, and planning ahead by having good food in the fridge in the event that I storm into my house angry because I forgot my Tupperware on the counter before heading to the gym to work! Combine this with daily weigh ins and weekly reviews (did I lose weight? How much? Was I compliant and honest with myself?) I’ll be able to see if what I’m doing is working or not. If it isn’t then something has to change. In addition to making smarter choices and tracking my food intake I’ve also started trying to replace my caffeine intake with more water. Not only will it help curb some of the late night snack cravings but it will help the entire digestion process overall.

Training: 

Despite the goal to have and by June 15, 2021, I still hold strength training very dear to my heart. However, getting shredded when you only get 3-6 reps (1-3 reps per set) for compound movements per week won’t really help expend the calories I’m consuming. Despite my daily calorie intake being lower, to help “speed up the process” my training also will shift to a more hypertrophy and higher volume focus. I still have a desire to perform the squat bench and deadlift, however with higher volume comes more issues and aches/pains for me. I do not tolerate volume well so being creative with loading strategies and movement selection becomes increasingly important. I may not squat, bench, or deadlift with a straight bar but as long as the movement is similar enough it’s likelihood of having a direct correlation back to my competition specific movements will be significantly higher than cutting them out all together and doing something completely different. After all, I am still a powerlifter at heart and once the challenge is complete I’ll be heading back to the competition specific lifts.

Lifestyle:

Important things to consider changing is obviously calorie expenditure. As someone who works a sedentary job during the day it’s hard to find time to get out and walk during the week. That doesn’t mean I can’t find time to do it, but it does mean that a conscious effort will have to be made in order to get multiple 10 minute walks in each day. Much like my approach to training, I set small incremental goals in order to achieve this. It may start out as getting outside to walk (rain or shine) for 10 min at least 1x per day to start. Once I can consistently do that then I can either increase the time in walking per day or increase the frequency (2x instead of 1x for example).Another thing I plan on implementing is getting out and playing with the kids at the park on weekends. Everyone knows that not only are we suffering from extreme boredom but the kids haven’t been able to do anything fun or active for the past year. We have tons of parks around our house and/or within driving distance. Just by getting out and acting like an overgrown kid will definitely help increase daily activity and not only benefit me towards me goals but also the poor kids who have also had a rough year being trapped indoors.

Joel McCain

Nutrition:

I have used a multitude of different systems to gain and lose weight as I have competed in several different weight classes, but for me, the one I find I have the most freedom with is weighing and tracking all my food. Tracking is like putting a speedometer on your food intake. For some this is cumbersome, but with tracking, I can still go out and have dinner with friends or family, I can make space for certain empty calories every day and still never go over my allotted food, and by putting it all in writing, it’s easy to troubleshoot if things aren’t going as planned. It also allows me to do something I call protein spiking – 1-3 days a month I will use whey isolate as my sole protein source, which is 880 calories to hit my recommended protein amount, and currently that frees up 2200 calories of room to do whatever the hell I want with – if that means that day I want to crush an entire bag of doritos, I will, and won’t feel remotely bad about it, and will still have lost fat that day. I round out the meals with veggies, and although it’s not something I’d want to every day, it certainly allows me to have days where I can eat whatever I want and still stay on task.

The other thing that tracking allows you do is compensate for “oh shit” moments. I can’t count how many times I’ve made food and left it in the fridge, or worse, on the counter, headed to work, and now have 6-8 hours before I’ll get a chance to eat again, the only thing I have time for is to quickly stop at a convenience store on the way in – no problem, scan some barcodes, make a meal to get by, and get right back on track when you get home

Near the end of the challenge, probably around the beginning of May I will switch to the vertical diet, not because I think it has any magical fat loss properties, but that I have many small food intolerances that cause me to retain water and actually interfere slightly with my sleep, especially as calories get lower and sleep can be interrupted. Switching to the food choices on the vertical diet while still tracking acts as an effective elimination diet to drop water weight that I still enjoy eating.

Training:

I’m coming off two injuries, some shoulder tears and an adductor tear, that has left me with pretty limited training for the past 4 months, so aside from actually getting to train, not a whole lot has to change. Coming out of injuries, even if your goal is to break 1RM PRs, using intensity as the main overload mechanism would be ill-advised. So just by following the natural post injury progression arc, my training should have sufficient volume to retain the current lean mass I have, and since I’m in one of those magical training states (previously highly trained, but currently detrained) I should actually be poised to both gain muscle and lose fat simultaneously for a small period of time. The majority of my training changes are going to come from more from lifestyle changes

Lifestyle:

Move more! Most of your satiety mechanisms are tied to intake vs output, so I always find it more enjoyable to move more than to constantly drop my caloric intake. So I’ll jump in on my client’s training more often – Tony and I have been dragging a sled as part of his lower body training right now, and due to the lack of eccentric muscle damage, I find these easy to recover from despite adding a ton of workload to my week. When I have time off I like to go explore off road in the jeep, but adding little hikes, walking hard lines in advance etc really adds activity to the day and really doesn’t feel like a whole lot of extra effort. Adding in at least a walk a day or 10-20 mins on the bike whenever I have a chance at the gym not only improves my energy output, but also by improving my aerobic fitness it helps my sleep.

Sleep is something I’ve mentioned a couple times, but it’s part of the big three for a reason (training, diet, sleep). After several concussions, sleep is an area that I constantly struggle with, so it’s an area I’ll focus on a lot. Most importantly I’ll make sure I actually budget enough time to sleep, if left unchecked, I will simply fill my schedule to an unmanageable level and add from there – to the point where the only place it can still steal from is the time I sleep. Lastly I’ll be reducing my caffeine intake, my type A personality always likes to borrow from tomorrow for today until I crash, but getting ahead of the caffeine intake and limiting it to 150mg or less on training days and 50mg or less on non training days will not only allow me to sleep better but also to drop water weight associated with excess cortisol production

So there you have it, the basics of what each coach is going to do to hit their goal of 6 visible abs by June 15th

We’ll be posting more training and nutrition and mindset info as we go, and instead of the usual highlights where we just show you before and afters and pretend everything was easy and we didn’t screw up anywhere, midway through we’re going to do a roundtable on the biggest mistakes we’re making and how we’re planning on fixing them!

Battling Inner Demons: Mental Health and Fitness, Blacksmith Coaches Weigh in

If you read one thing that Blacksmith puts out this year, I hope this is it. The premise was simple. We gave the coaches 4 questions and no further instructions other than we were going to publish them as an article. The questions were:

1. What has been the biggest mental hurdle you’ve faced with training?
2. What do you do on days you’re internally struggling?
3. How do you deal with failure? Have you ever wanted to quit?
4. How has battling your own mental demons affected your ability to coach others?

So without further adieu, here are their answers

What has been the biggest mental hurdle you’ve faced with training?

Joel McCain: For me personally it was the time during my head and spine injury after I had been told by two different doctors I wouldn’t be able to powerlift again, but the hardest part was attempting to come back several times and failing, and starting to actually believe the doctors were right. I struggled with my identity, my confidence, my future, and what felt like the loss of my lifelong dream. The only way I could stay positive was to simply do something, ANYTHING, no matter how small that felt like moving forward. First it was going for walks at night because the visual stimulus was lower and I wouldn’t get as dizzy as fast as I would in the day time. Then I would work on breathing techniques and muscle relaxation drills to help me sleep. I would research for hours a day on the function of the nervous system, how to control and influence the autonomic portion, diet, different treatments etc. I would search out the best practitioners and research where professional athletes were getting treated etc. If at the end of the day I felt I was one step closer, even if it was a thousand step process, it was enough for me to want to get up the next day and take the next step.

When I was finally medically cleared and started to make my return to training, each session was coming at a pretty staggering cost – every time I would train I would get crippling anxiety, body shakes, and lose the ability to sleep and eat that night as well as the ability to focus/comprehend what I was seeing for a couple hours the next day. Every time I would train I would start to question whether it was worth the cost I was paying. I almost quit, but the only thing the kept me going was the need to physically exert myself. I’m forever wired to need a competitive outlet, so I really had no option but to find ways to push through, manage symptoms, and move forward. I’ll never be 100% but I’m getting better at managing symptoms, adjusting my training, and catching early symptoms before they get out of control.

Coach Cam Bennett at the PNE FitFest

Cam Bennett: When it comes to training specifically, I think the mental aspect that comes with injuries has got to be the biggest hurdle for me. When I tore my pec last year the injury was healed in roughly 8 weeks but the fear of tearing it again was in my head for months and months after. Every single time I would load the bar up with the weight that was on it when the injury happened I would panic and completely throw technique out the window because I was so fixated on hoping I wouldn’t get hurt again. If I felt any tightness or soreness I would immediately stop and poke and prod around my chest making sure nothing was wrong. All of this mental struggle caused me to stall out on strength for quite some time because before I even got under the bar I had already set myself up for failure by being scared of failing.

Marina Misuric: For me, my biggest mental hurdle is one I still deal with every day. A few years ago, when I was still a student, I started noticing I didn’t feel like myself. I wasn’t doing the things I loved to do and I was having a hard time even getting out of bed to go to school. I have never been the type to wear my emotions, so when it came time to talk about why I was struggling so much, I had a really hard time even admitting to myself I was having problems let alone to someone else. I’m pretty sure it took me three full days of the same conversation just to acknowledge that I was having any issues. I was putting so much pressure on myself to finish my degree quickly, excel at my new sport – powerlifting, and put career paths into place for after university. I created all these expectations I thought people had for me, when really they were just my own. All this pressure caused me to have episodes of depression and anxiety. These episodes would last a few days to a few weeks and were really causing me to struggle academically and personally.

I tried to find medical reasons for feeling like crap and fixing some of those things (iron levels, vitamin D, and low free cortisol) did help lessen the frequency of these episodes. However, it still took me a long time to realize I probably needed to talk through the deeper issues and accept them myself before I could start to feel like myself again. I talked to a few medical professionals about it, but more importantly, I’ve learned to talk to the people closest to me. My mental health isn’t something I can just push aside and ignore anymore, I have to be very aware of how I am feeling and not be afraid to talk about it. Though I still struggle, the depressive and anxiety episodes are much less frequent now. I know that when I start to feel overwhelmed with life or overtrained, the symptoms come back and have to be addressed, but because I am much better at recognizing the signs now, I can catch it before it becomes a full episode. Mental health is a hard thing to struggle with since from an outside perspective, you look completely fine. That’s why it’s so important to have someone you feel comfortable talking to to help you through those times. I find often times, even just preparing what I am going to say to someone during those times helps me organize my thoughts and put a plan in place to help declutter my mind and feel like myself again sooner. My anxiety is my every day fight, but it has made me a stronger lifter, coach, and friend.

Megan Walker: Motivation.

You’ve worked a long day already, and already spent a few hours at the gym with clients and all you want to do is go home and relax. So many people tell me all the time how motivation is their biggest mental hurdle when it comes to just getting your ass into the gym. That’s where having a coach can really help. I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching, I thought that because I am a trainer, I should be able to write my own programs and not ask for help. Writing my own programs it was easy to cheat and get around the motivation by not programming the exercises I’d benefit from the most, even skipping certain exercises because I just didn’t feel like it and wanted to go home.

Recently, I got my shit together and decided to ask for help from the other coaches at Blacksmith. And guess what? I’m starting to feel motivated again. I’ve got a new program that was written by the coaches as a collective, and I’ve figured out a schedule where I can get into the gym on my off days.

For myself, it’s not just motivation to get to the gym I struggle with. It’s motivation to get out of bed in the morning, it’s motivation to try new things, it’s motivation to really want to do much of anything. I’m constantly searching for something to feel passionate about to motivate me to do things, but I’m searching and I can’t find it. It’s a really weird feeling not having things that you’re passionate about and motivate you in life. I look around me and I see people that want to train every single day, that are in school pursuing their dream jobs or already working them, or even just having hobbies they truly love. And here I am; sure I like training, I like playing sports, I like doing certain things, but I don’t have that passion and motivation like I see others have. I feel very lost and alone with this a lot of the time, and I am constantly struggling to try and find my passions and any motivation I can.

I can’t say my motivation is exactly where I want it to be at, but I’ve taken steps in the right direction with my habits at the gym. If you’re struggling with motivation, the biggest takeaway from this is don’t be afraid to ask for help, be it with training or any other aspects of your life. The support system we have at Blacksmith is unreal and even as a coach, it took me far too long to practice what I preach.

Cole Thevenot: In 2016 I ruptured a disc in my lower back while deadlifting. Initially this was thought of as a minor set back as I have encountered several athletes that have had the same injury. Each day began with antagonizing pain and barely being able to put on socks without breaking a sweat from the amount of pain I was experiencing. Over the course of several months, I struggled with sciatica, muscle weakness, and chronic pain. Ultimately I sought out help from different professionals who provided treatment that would give me temporary relief, however, the issue never completely resolved. Fast forward 6 months, I was still limited in terms of exercise selection and had been able to train around the injury. While squatting I felt another pop in my lower back, this time, much more painful. I drove to the hospital and the pain continued to get worse. I was told by a medical professional to take anti-inflammatory drugs and rest. Again, I went through the cycle of therapist to therapist to dig deeper into the issue. I read books and contacted the leading lower back specialist in the nation who referred me to a therapist who was able to get to the root of my pain and gradually remove it. Over months I made progress and eventually came to a point where I could perform daily activities without significant pain. At this point, I had completely removed squatting and deadlifting out of my program out of fear of relapsing. The thought of deadlifting and squatting gave me anxiety and every time I would think about making an attempt to train them again I would find some sort of excuse to avoid it. This cycle lasted for two years before I picked up a barbell from the floor again. To this day I still have recurring thoughts of “what if it happens again.” However, with the help of my training partners and the coaches, I have been able to overcome the fear of re-injury and anxiety surrounding movements that once left me dreading putting on socks in the morning.

What do you do on days when you’re internally struggling?

Cole Thevenot: Training for powerlifting isn’t always sunshine and roses. From overcoming injury to having a bad day, there’s never a point of complete solace. Whenever I have a bad training day, I often make use of retrospective thinking where I tell myself, “so, you’re having a bad day, but was it as bad as when you couldn’t walk without pain?” This brings my self pitying thoughts back to reality and redirects it to more thankful thoughts. More specifically, thankfulness that I am actually able to continue training and live a healthy and active life.

Reminding myself that one bad day out of 10 doesn’t constitute failure or signs of weakness, rather, it’s part of the process and like any goal worth pursuing, nothing comes easily.

Megan Walker: Usually cry. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. I can’t help it. Motivation isn’t the only thing I struggle with. Like many people, there are a lot of other things people don’t see.

What do I do to make it better? I usually take my dog for a walk. After a long walk on the dike with my Wilber by myself or with my best friends, I start to feel this mental clarity. Being outside in the fresh air is one of the best things to clear my mind.

You don’t have to struggle internally, because that means you’re struggling alone. As I said before, don’t be afraid to ask for help. I have a few close friends I can turn to when I’m feeling shitty and can always count on them to be there for me. And of course Mom and Dad are always there for me and checking on me to make sure I’m ok and to help with anything I need.

Coach Joel McCain Setting up for a squat set in training

Joel McCain: Peaking is a really hard time for me, a lot of the symptoms I dealt with during my original return to training come back full force during periods of high mental and physical stress – which is pretty much the last 6-7 weeks of powerlifting preparation. Sometimes the stress from a squat or deadlift session will bring on anxiety and shakes that leave me with 2-3 hours of broken sleep, but the next day would still be a training day and I’d somehow have to put together another training session when I didn’t even feel like putting two feet on the floor that day. As the weeks went on these nights start stacking on each other where most nights are rough and the symptoms would compound. On these days I would make a deal with myself that all I had to do was show up and start, I didn’t have to finish, I didn’t have to hit my prescribed my numbers, but no matter what I had to show up. I’d break up what seemed like an unsurmountable task at the time into tiny little accomplishable goals and do them one at a time: just show up – check. Do your warm up – check. Start your first exercise, you can stop after if you want to – check. Ok you made it through that, the next exercise is easier right? So just do them – check, and so on and so forth until the work was done.

Marina Misuric: Some days are harder than others, but the main thing for me is taking a step back and checking whether it is my brain or my body holding me back. If it’s my body and something is really hurting or not feeling right and I can’t fix it, I will stop and do some recovery and try again the next day. The much much more common issue is my brain, whether it’s the anxiety, low energy, or I’m feeling unmotivated. If it’s just my brain not letting me perform I will try to find a way through it, either by picking some music that I really like or talking to someone about it for a few minutes in between sets. Some days, these things work and others they don’t. When they don’t work and my brain refuses to get out of its rut and let me train, I will try to silence it by training anyways. Some days it’s just about getting through the work no matter how I feel because I know I would be worse off mentally if I quit on myself.

Cam Bennett: This is by far the hardest question for me. I cannot really pin point any exact things that I do to help myself when I’m having really rough days. To be completely honest there’s been days that were so bad I wouldn’t even get out of bed if I didn’t have to. Training has been such a good outlet for me and has helped me get through so many terrible times. Knowing this, I do whatever I can to inch myself toward getting there. Once I’m there I’ll put my phone away and forget about everything else for that hour or two hour or sometimes even 3-hour training session and always feel at least a little bit better afterward. I know that I will regret it and be mad at myself if I skip a workout, but I’ll never regret going.

How do you deal with failure? Have you ever wanted to quit?

Joel McCain: …Not well, haha. I place extreme pressure and demands upon myself. I expect success no matter what the circumstance, and I’m very slow to forgive myself for delivering anything other than my perceived best performance each and every day. This mindset has served me well and helped me push past some pretty large barriers, but it’s a double edged sword that I’ve certainly felt the edge of when things are going wrong. Have I ever wanted to quit? Yes. Right in front of the other coaches in the middle of a deadlift session. It was about 6-7 months post bicep surgery, I had switched to hook grip so I could start deadlifting earlier, and hopefully reduce the chance of it happening again, and I couldn’t break 606lbs off the ground (this is a weight I should have been able to rep easily). It was right in the middle of peaking and at the worst point of my anxiety/neurologicalsymptoms/sleep issues, I feeling sorry for myself and I actually said it out loud “I’m done, I’m going to have pull out of this meet” but fortunately Cam Bennett caught it right away and just said “I’ve never seen you quit anything, there’s no way you’re quitting now”. I’ve had talks with Marina about whether the price I was paying was worth it; It always seems like it when things are going well, but to pay that price and feel like I was losing the battle anyways, that’s a tough pill to swallow. She always had a way of talking me off the ledge. That really highlights the most important part – I’ve always had good people around me; at Blacksmith the coaches coach and push each other, and I think we can all say we wouldn’t be where we are without the rest of the team’s support.

Coach Cole benching in training 

Cole Thevenot: If I had a dollar for every time I thought about quitting I would be a millionaire. Hanging it up and seeking other less risky forms of competition has been a thought that crosses my mind every time I have a significant injury that hinders training. Heck, even if I have a rough patch of training where I’m lacking progress or just simply dealing with nagging pain I’ve had that thought cross my mind. It is incredibly frustrating looking back and reminiscing about where I was and comparing it to where I am now, but getting trapped in this mindset is dangerous and breeds thoughts that make me feel like a failure. The important thing is to remember that with every failure there is an opportunity to learn; simply admitting defeat and letting yourself be consumed by a missed rep, injury, or a bad meet doesn’t help – Experience it, accept it, strategize how to do better next time, and move forward.

 Cam Bennett: There has been times in the past, as recently as 2-3 years ago where I was so scared to fail that I wouldn’t even try. This includes a lot of things outside of the gym as well but when it came to training specifically, I was so worried about how embarrassing it would be if I failed that I would actually wait until I knew people in the gym were busy and couldn’t be watching me to do my set. In my opinion, this mindset held me back more than anything else. Over the last couple years, as I’ve become more open about my mental health issues and have stopped caring so much about what other people think, I’ve learned to use failure as motivation to get better. Instead of moping around and being upset about missing lifts or fucking up a set I’ve been able to change my negative mentality into using those experiences as fuel to make sure it doesn’t happen again. It’s okay to be scared of the weight on the bar but don’t be afraid of failing.

Marina Misuric: When I first started powerlifting I was terrible at handling failure. I had never been good at it in any aspect of my life and I still struggle with it at times. Failure can feel like a personal defeat and it used to make me feel like I was not good enough to succeed. Powerlifting has taught me that failures should be treated as lessons instead and they now make me even more determined and stubborn to reach my goals. The way I deal with failure now, whether it be a missed lift or a bombed career opportunity, is that I allow myself to feel upset for a few minutes, then I distract myself with something completely unrelated to get my head out of the funk. Once my head is clear and the feelings of anger and defeat are no longer affecting my rational thought, I reflect back and take a moment to learn a thing or two about what went wrong and how I can do better next time. I can’t say that I’ve got this down perfectly yet as fear of failure is one of the main triggers for my anxiety still, but I am getting better every day and using this sport to help me get there.

I have absolutely felt like quitting powerlifting, training, and anything associated with the gym at one point in my life. Back in one of my final semesters of university, my brain, my body, and my mental health were all falling apart. I had done way too many semesters in a row, a powerlifting competition or two, and I was burnt out both mentally and physically. I wasn’t enjoying school, training, or my life in general like I used to and I wasn’t taking the time to take care of myself. I had depressive episodes that lasted weeks where I could barely get out of bed due to lack of motivation to start my day. I lost my spark and my energy; all I wanted to do was sleep all day. This low mood and energy obviously made it very difficult to train hard and peak for meets. Sprinkle an injury on top of it all and there was very little keeping me together during my training sessions. When peaking for my third meet, I think I cried through more sessions than not. I have never wanted to quit something more than during that time. Having an absolutely amazing gym family is the only reason I did not quit. They listened to me when I needed to vent, they gave me space when I needed it, and they found the perfect moments to encourage me in a positive, supportive way. They are the only reason I got through that competition and learned to enjoy powerlifting again. I have since had a few brief moments of “why do I do this?” and “this is too hard, I want to quit”, but they are never very serious anymore and I know I have the right team to back me up and motivate me to continue pushing myself to see what I can accomplish.

Megan Walker: I think about quitting all the time. How easy would that be? Just quit everything that is hard in life and live the easiest life ever. Sounds pretty good doesn’t it?

There’s a difference between thinking something and actually doing it. I think about quitting, but I wouldn’t actually do it. If I quit my job, quit playing sports, quit everything, then I’m not only quitting on myself, but quitting on everyone else.

I hate disappointing people, so quitting isn’t an option just because I failed or because something got hard.

How has battling your own mental demons affected your ability to coach others?

Joel McCain: Hard to answer this one without sounding like a motivational poster, but I wouldn’t be half the coach I am today without all the struggles I have been through. Understanding what it feels like to be down and out, and everything that comes along with it, the depression, the anxiety, the loss of self, watching your body change for the worse and feeling helpless, dealing with extreme physical pain – there are some things you have to go through in life to truly understand, and I think it helps to have someone say “I know how that feels” than just “that must be hard”. I think seeing a piece of my own struggle in someone else makes me that much more passionate to help people succeed no matter what odds face them and that much more rewarding when they do; it really feels like we’re in this together.

Megan Walker: I’m more compassionate and understanding because of it. If you come into the gym with no motivation and don’t want to lift, I’m gonna do my best to get you motivated and doing your best that day. I completely understand that some days are long and you just really don’t want to do anything, but there are always ways to work around it, and I’m determined to find those ways. You’re not going to lift heavy every day, and some days that prowler will not make it across the gym, and I get that. But we’ll find a way to make it work and to make it fun. Hell, once and awhile you might say “fuck it, I’m not feeling it today, I need a night off” and I’m totally ok with that, because sometimes I need a night off too.

So I honestly think my own internal struggles have made me not only a better coach, but just a better, more understanding and compassionate person. I hope I can help my clients and any clients at Blacksmith through any issues they may be going through fitness related or not. Because what a lot of them don’t know is that they’ve helped me so much, so it’s only right I return the favour.

Cam Bennett: This has been both a blessing and curse for me when it comes to coaching. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember and up until about two years ago the only people that knew were my doctor and my mom. Now that I am much more open about it, I find I am able to relate to clients that may be going through the same or similar things. Being that I’ve gone through the mental struggles myself, it definitely helps me to see the signs of it in someone else and be able to offer help and advice to get them through bad days. The downside of dealing with this while being a coach is always being extremely hard on myself and constantly overthinking. One of the worst things about anxiety is that you always feel like the worst possible thing that could happen in a given situation, will happen. So anytime something isn’t working or a client is skipping days for example, I’ll immediately blame myself and beat myself up in my head about what I might have done wrong. It’s a never ending battle when it comes to mental health but I’m very glad that I’m in a career where I am dealing with such a variety of people every day and have the chance to try and use my own personal experiences to help other people battle their own mental demons.

Coach Marina Misuric working on breathing and bracing with a client

Marina Misuric: Overall, I think dealing with my own issues has positively impacted my coaching. The hardest part about my own mental health battles has been talking about it and admitting when I’m having a rough time. I know mental health is something a lot of people shy away from talking about. As a coach, I know people tend to want to fight their battles internally, but I try really hard to show my clients that I am there if they ever need someone to hear them. I don’t ever want to pry into issues they don’t want to share, but I know what it feels like to need to talk about what you’re going through (even if sometimes you don’t even know what that is). Sometimes you just need someone there reminding you that they are there for you and are willing to listen. I feel responsible for my clients’ physical health, of course, but also their mental health. I realize that sometimes life throws us obstacles we can’t just brush away and I want to make sure I am doing my part in getting them through that. Sometimes we have to take a detour route to reach our goals, but getting there in healthy, positive ways is worth the delay.

Cole Thevenot: I think it makes me more relatable. Dealing with my own mental demons and listening to those who might have their own history of mental issues brings us down to a human level which is extremely important when coaching PEOPLE. From a bad training day, injury, the end of a relationship, stress at work, financial troubles, etc, we all have issues that batter our mental resiliency. Many people, myself included, often get trapped in the mindset that not expressing their troubles and bottling them up is the right thing to do because “no one truly understands,” “what will they think of me if I tell them what I’m going through,” or “no one cares about my issues.”, but opening up and vocalizing these issues can be a huge relief. It’s not an easy task to open up and express emotions to someone, but it can help explain why we act the way we do and the reasons for the goals we choose to pursue. When a client confides in me and informs me of their woes, I can often pick a scenario that I have been through and recall strategies of how I overcame it. Being a coach and having understanding of the reasons behind someone’s goals helps me make their training truly personal, and when I can relate to the motives behind someone’s ambitions it gives new meaning as to what is it to be a coach.